#blacklivesmatter

Photo of the first performance of "Monument to 6%" (then titled "Identified 6%") in my studio at SFAI.  Photo Cred: Zulfikar Ali Bhutto.

I remember feeling like I needed to do something, but I also knew that I wasn't ready to get out there on the front line of protest.  Videos of black people, men, women and children, being gunned down by police, were surfacing left and right on social media.  The Black Lives Matter movement was beginning, and gaining momentum.  My activist side said, “Do something”, but I knew I was in a state of intensive self-care, nurturing old wounds and healing my spirit.  Since I wasn’t in a space to give of myself what protest, volunteering and activism demanded, I new I could at least give from where I was at.  This is where Monument to 6% came from.

It comes from a place of reaching to the past, to understand and heal the now so that we can move forward into the future.  It is a meditation and an homage to those dying, and those still living under the threat of state-sanctioned violence. 

A year and 3 months from the birth of Monument to 6%, I still feel powerless to make change, I am still meditating and black people are still being murdered.  Of course, the violence, which this country (the United States of America) is built upon, won’t end anytime soon.  I know this.  But, it never gets an easier each time a new video surfaces (and each time I add a name to the list).

I am at a point in my life where I have a lot of positive transitions happening for me.  I am moving, about to start a new job and am excited for the pursuit and freedom of my artistic career.  And at the same time, I am always worried, everyday for my cousin, who throws on his hoodie and headphones and goes for these long and intense walks (he loves walking).  I am worried cause I know his young black male presence looks suspicious to white people.  I pray for his protection and our protection everyday. 

All of this to say that I am trying to reconcile my realities; there is the surface, where all seems fine for me, and there is the underlying truth that all is not fine for us, for black people.  I am not trying to be negative, but I am trying to remind myself everyday that I am apart of a beautiful whole, a community with rich history and a strong spirit of fight.  Monument to 6% is beautiful and it reflects this depth, but, of course, it is not enough.  It is nowhere near enough.  It is not enough for me, my loved ones, and my community.

As I move forward in my life, I am thinking very much about how I can reach out, connect and participate in the external healing that reflects my internal one.  Monument to 6% is an ongoing meditation that will end when the murder ends.  For me, it is time to do more. #blacklivesmatter

Photo Cred: Zulfikar Ali Bhutto 

Photo Cred: Zulfikar Ali Bhutto 

Support the Youth Pride Coalition at the SF Pride Parade!

Come out and show support for the Youth Pride Coalition in the San Francisco Pride Parade on Sunday, June 26th at 10:00 AM!  The Youth Pride Coalition float is the only participating float from Marin County and consists of a number of young, amazing queer youth!  Hope to see you there :)   

In the Studio: SF Pride Design

This week, I have been working on a design for the Next Generation Scholars float for the San Francisco Pride Parade. I decided to work in watercolor, guache and collage. The former two mediums are materials I haven't worked with in a VERY long time (since undergrad). My hand is shakey and I am a bit rusty, but it has been an inspiring experience to reacquaint myself with an old time favorite. After this project, I am excited to see how I will incorporate this medium into my current practice!

Openings: Blank Map

Collage of photos I took at the Blank Map performance.

On Friday, I had the pleasure of seeing a black performance collective entitled Blank Map at the Dance Mis-sion Theater in SF.  The collective consists of artists/dancers/musicians/scholars Tasha Ceyan, Brontez Purnell, Adee Roberson, Keyon Gaskin and Wizard Apprentice.  A mix of abstract dance and music, the performance, for me, transcended the contemporary moment to an alternative spiritual space that deeply considers the body in all its states with equal weight and validity.

The tempo of experimental movement switched from tap dance, drumming and choreographed group dance to settle gestures, shadow play and performers leaving the stage/hiding from the audience.  All stages of the body (visible, invisible, speaking, silent, fast, slow, together, apart) were given equal weight as they informed each other.

I particularly enjoyed the moments when Ceyan and Brontez linked up together in movement across the stage and in shadow play.  The two bodies made me think a lot about Afrofuturism in the sense that I felt like I was witnessing energies of the past in present embodiment moving together towards a future where comfort is located in the unfixed and the idea of constant change.  This is what I took from the piece as performance is, for me, always in conversation with the spiritual.

Overall, it was a beautiful piece that has me thinking about queer spaces that are reaching through and beyond dualities, polarities and the suggested linearity of time to provide a glimpse of how bodies can exist confidently in their entirety.  The recent hate crime massacre at Pulse Nightclub in Orlando has also informed my continued meditation on Blank Map.  I am thinking about the mediation, restraint and murder of queer bodies (and in particular, queer black and brown bodies-- including queer Muslim bodies) through erasure and hyper-visibility.  I am also thinking a lot about narrative and the control of that narrative in both situations. 

I am still digesting, writing and thinking about both the performance and the tragic event in their complexities.  At the moment, in my meditation, Blank Map is serving as one site of many where queer black bodies can exist at their intersections in their entirety with power over and through their narratives.   

Post-Grad: The Studio Change

My old studio at SFAI and my beautiful, intelligent and hardworking mom helping me move.  The majority of my resourcefulness comes from the examples set by her and the rest of my family. 

Here you have a before of my post-grad studio change.  I went from the luxury of a large (well, large for me) studio with concrete floors and walls I could do almost anything to.  Since graduation from school, I have had to downsize my work, put my most important pieces in storage and go back to my original studio- my crowded bedroom that also doubles as my personal library.

I am constantly teaching myself to be comfortable with discomfort.  Over the years, what that has meant for me is being OK with throwing possessions away and giving cherished items to Goodwill, sleeping in a variety of spaces over an extended period of time (a couch, the floor, a small bedroom), and working under a variety of conditions, whether I am holding down multiple jobs, living in a two-bedroom apartment with four people, or being resourceful to make ends meet. 

My studio time and space is no different.  For a period, my studio was in my head and my work was merely thoughts, sketches and undeveloped film.  The work happened when it could.  Most recently, I had the luxury of devoting every day, every minute to my work in a large studio space at school where my pieces have gotten as big as 10 feet. 

All this to say that one thing I am embracing (that all artists embrace) is the idea of flexibility, that the work must happen under any condition (even if it is only able to take the form of ideas, visualizations and small sketches).  The important thing, for me, is that I am always adapting and putting my work first in all circumstances. 

So today, my room is where it’s at.  No, it’s not ideal, but it works, and I am grateful, because private space can be hard to come by for many.

My mantra: Move forward, stop and readjust, keep going and stop to adjust again.  Adjust as many times as you need to, just keep moving.  

Current temporary studio space, complete with dog, altar and TOO many books. 

Save the Date! MFA Graduate Exhibition

Caution: Spicy Hazard! Damn That's Hot....

First and foremost, thank the heavens this is my last week of finals! I have been busting my butt!  But more importantly, I am extremely excited about my Intro to Film class' film show at Artists' Television Access on Wednesday, Dec. 3rd at 7:30 pm (doors open at 7:00).  If you are reading this, and you happen to be in the Bay Area and have free time that evening, you should come through.  It is only $4 and there will be snacks!  There will be 15 films by 15 different artists shown that night, so it will be an interesting evening of film and frolicking (like the flyer posted below says).

   

I am so amped to show the film I have been working on the past month.  While I consider myself a photographer, my first semester at SFAI has really pushed me into new territory, including film, performance art and mixed-media collage.  I am looking forward to incorporating these other mediums into my practice.  Below is a clip of the intro to my film.  It is quite experimental (I think).  So please, if you are in the area, come through to the show!